This is not where I thought I’d be in my life. I had envisioned a much different life for myself. Even a year ago I had wanted my life to look so much different by now. I had high hopes, dreams and aspirations.
This year was not what I expected.
I’ve been spinning a lot lately on the topic of my life. Maybe it’s the anniversary of my marriage ending and having to sell our home. Maybe it’s the upcoming holidays that I know will not be filled with family and tradition like it has in the past. Maybe it’s the emotional toll of a difficult year for my daughter… one that has taken my energy and time away from my own self-care and business. Or the difficult decision I recently made regarding my daughter’s daily care. Or the financial strain of the high level of care she continues to require… or her recent crises. Or maybe it’s my upcoming birthday… another year slipping through my fingers.
So, I take a deep breath and let those feelings sit with me for a bit. I recognize that it’s a good time for reflection and get curious about the lessons and blessings in my life. While there was a great deal outside of my control, I will not feel sorry for myself. I am NOT a victim in my own life.
I am not a victim. I AM THE LIGHTHOUSE.
I recognize that I made conscious, deliberate decisions about how I was going to respond when things didn’t go as planned. When my heart was breaking, I gave myself permission to slow down and heal. For the first time I put up clear boundaries with those who cause me pain and further drain my energy. As my daughter needed an increasing level of care, I made the decision to dedicate more time and energy to her. Making changes to give her the best opportunity to succeed was a selfless yet painful decision. With this lens, I feel good about how I responded to life this year.
So this is how it is now.
In meditation we use the phrase “so this is how it is now.” It’s a way to radically accept what is here in the present moment, without judgment. Suffering arises from lamenting about the past and worrying about the future… or resisting what you can’t change. You don’t have to like it or agree with it in order to accept it. Radical acceptance of things as they are provides a path to emotional and spiritual freedom. I often recite this phrase to myself when I’m spinning on the past or wishing things were different. So this is how it is now. The question then becomes what am I going to do about it? After all, I am the lighthouse.
Radical acceptance is the path to peace.
Yes, the holidays will be different this year AND I’m reclaiming them with a mix of old and new traditions.
Yes, my business isn’t where I wanted it to be AND I celebrate all that I’ve accomplished.
Yes, some days I’m too emotionally drained to be productive AND I give myself the space I need to recharge.
Yes, some days are filled with crisis and chaos AND I choose to put my energy there on those days.
Yes, this past year was difficult AND I have so many blessings in my life to carry me forward.
I haven’t let another year slip away. I lived fully through the ups and downs. With radical acceptance, I consciously accept that this is how it is right now… and I’m at peace with that.
Are you the lighthouse? If you need help moving your life forward, please reach out to me for a free coaching session today.
For more information on radical acceptance, check out this article.